I have entered a void in my life that I do not believe there is an easy escape from (if any). Like many things in life, I did not know this event had occurred until I was in the middle of it. Everywhere I look in my life I see nothing but pain, darkness, despair, bitterness, lies, betrayal, fear, misunderstanding, abandonment, and idolatry. I do NOT feel anymore. I cannot afford to. I do not feel love. I do not feel joy. I do not feel excitement. I don't know what the Hell "fun" is. Laughter is usually forced. Comedy has to be really dark or intellectual. Entertainment is a foreign concept. There is no rest. I haven't felt "good" in many years. I don't know how to talk to people. I try to ignore them, tell them what they want to hear, or keep whatever bullshit facade going because "that's the thing to do". I avoid everyone at every given opportunity. I deactivated all my social media, bought a house on the edge of town, do not go out anymor...
Over the past thirty years or so of my life, I have been a person that has either been trying to process the past or fretting about the future, often to my detriment. Living in the moment doesn't come naturally to me for a multitude of reasons, a few of which I hope to discuss here. It should be noted that while I am usually living somewhere in the past or in the future that I am not ignoring the details of the present - quite the contrary in fact. When in social situations, my inner Sherlock Holmes comes out and I am constantly trying to read people: their body language, tattoos, piercings, jewelry, hair length and style, the kind of shoes they wear and how worn they may be, the word choice they use, stance, etc. You can infer a lot about someone just from those quick and constant observations alone. While some people may call it "living in the moment" or "mindfulness", it is generally agreed upon that the practice has numerous health benefits including (but ce...